Made a Smoothie
January 17th, 2014 at 7:30 pm

The secret ingredient is human growth hormone.

A-Rod’s Lawsuit
January 14th, 2014 at 10:21 am

A-Rod sues everyone EXCEPT the person who most wronged him — whoever convinced him this photo shoot was a good idea.

Needed Clarification
January 7th, 2014 at 8:24 pm

No longer confused after realizing that “bears” is used here as a verb, not a noun.

Scrambling
January 6th, 2014 at 5:32 pm

Missed the series premiere of “Serch,” so I’m going to need a new conversation-starter for tonight’s knitting circle.

Broken Resolution
January 5th, 2014 at 11:25 pm

No instructions on how to open this bag of spinach so I guess that’s the end of my new year’s diet.

After Tonight’s 60 Minutes
January 5th, 2014 at 8:13 pm

I now feel a little guilty for immaturely laughing out loud upon hearing Lesley Stahl say “Pussy Riot.”

The Wolf of Wall Street (Abridged)
January 2nd, 2014 at 10:18 pm

Found a straight-to-digital ripoff of “The Wolf of Wall Street.” Hope it’s a decent substitute so I can save some money.

Airport Shocker
January 2nd, 2014 at 9:25 am

Was instructed to leave my laptop in the bag, keep on my shoes and wear my jacket through airport security. Obamacare is already paying off!

Winter Cleaning Part 2
January 1st, 2014 at 10:18 pm

Cleaning out my old room at Patel Farms. Punctuality is important. But so is being cool. This accomplishes both.

Winter Cleaning Part 1
January 1st, 2014 at 8:23 pm

Cleaning out my old room at Patel Farms. Found a photo of my high school guidance counselors.

Today I Learned
December 31st, 2013 at 11:25 am

TV’s Cat in the Hat puts children in a lot of unnecessary danger and should be avoided at all cost.

Apartment Visitor
December 30th, 2013 at 4:54 pm

The reflection clearly shows Capt. Picard in MY living room using MY remote to watch HIS starship on MY television.